thank you thank you thank you!
by Deanna Joy
Thank you so much for this website! This is miraculously an answer to a prayer for me. You describe myself to a tee. . . .at the age of 50 now, walking away from a naricisstic, passive aggressive husband 5 years ago and standing up to my dysfunctional father/brothers/family , I have spent these past 5 years learning how not to be bulldozed over by others' and actually why it kept happening, as you have expressed, I continually found only these kind of people in my life.
Even in the charity ventures that I have worked in as an orphanage manager and English teacher in a private school . . . .I always had the same kind of people lording over me (those who saw me as a push over and I was a push over to much a degree though I tried often (in the wrong ways) to prove I was not a push over) . . . I finally got the message that God was trying to train me how to not let these people bully me out of who I am, who I can and should be and who I am not (as they would like to undermine me and push me under themselves).
I also had a very culturally woman hating father and 5 brothers. I say culturally because they really don't see what they are doing and they really think they are innocent and haven't done anything wrong . . . learned philosophy.
when you said, . . .I felt free to choose for the first time and I was prepared for the flak, for broken friendships if necessary because what I gained was far more valuable. I began to respect myself and incrementally others, pupils included, began to respect me"
This is where I am now. I am in a new job, a very high paying English teaching job and I have decided if they don't like the way I am they can fire me or ask me to leave. I will not blame myself or feel like I have failed simply because they are disappointed they can't control me for their own personal pride and motives.
I have chosen to believe that what I do is good and profitable to the children, the school and my co-teachers and I will not let anyone bully me out of their jealousy, envy or desire for control over me and the children.
My influence on the children has transformed bullies to friends, selfish little girls to giving candy to everyone, even the bad guys, soft spoken children lost in their own world to speaking out and learning what everyone else is learning . . .
My struggles for control of the classroom has been immense and I just could never figure it out . . . . I am learning to be consistent as you said, keep the rules basic (to the well being of all and for an environment where everyone can be learning) . . .
consistent in keeping the children accountable for wrong behavior was my weak point, I gave too much patience, too many chances . . . waiting, hoping they would make the right choice to choose to behave if they really liked me like they said they did . . .. I know better now and this website has given me amazing encouragement and ability to keep to the task and not lose heart, have patience with myself, the children and hope for a well functioning classroom of 24 chinese 4-6 yr. olds!